July 21, 2024

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Ask Rica: “Contacting my adult son is difficult, should I let him go?”  |  is reading

Ask Rica: “Contacting my adult son is difficult, should I let him go?” | is reading

“For that boy, getting laid off meant: stop posting, and it's not always the question 'Do you have a job yet?' you have to answer. It always means: you're not doing well, you're not meeting our expectations, you're working a little harder. In short: “These are well-intentioned incentives, but they seem unacceptable.”

“This boy really wanted to go his own way and make his own choices. He didn't want to be saved. But he knew that if he fell, he would have someone to turn to, and that gave him mental strength.”

“The message to Catherine is definitely to send messages and not let him go,” Rica says.

The guilt complex surrounding divorce

In Catherine's story, Rika also sees the obvious guilt complex surrounding the divorce. “I see this with many people who come to me who have started a second family. I talk disrespectfully about 'coming' and 'coming'.

“The 'first generation' children are the children who pay the highest price for divorce. These are the children who always end up between two tables and sit at two addresses, but they often have a feeling that they are not part of the nuclear family. They feel that they do not belong.”

“Apparently there has also been a lot of conflict between Mathis's biological father and his mother. The father has given up too. This sounds very negative, but of course the man doesn't feel good about it. He feels guilty about his divorce, but he escapes it by pretending that the problem doesn't exist, or By blaming his son: Get a job!

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What should Catherine do?

It's a complex problem, but Catherine can play a nice role in it, Rika says. “Give Matthias a place. He can play a role that connects these two nuclear families. He is the link that connects the two families, and that is a nice way to look at him.”

“Catherine can point this out to him. Just because he's not responding today or is having a hard time doesn't mean she should give up. Keep making appointments. He'll come back, I'm sure.”

“Catherine shouldn't give good advice, she should be there for him and accept him unconditionally. That can give him strength and make him realize that he has a right to exist and he can be there. The rest will come automatically.”