Misha is afraid of being left behind: “I think this is the reason for the rejection.”

absence of security

If only I could think of that myself. As a woman from the world – or at least from the Netherlands – I have to admit that I find it terrifying to approach a man. All horror. I know it can only go one of two ways; Either there's a click and something nice follows, or he thanks him nicely and we both go our separate ways. It doesn't seem scary when I put it that way.

My problem is not with the rejection itself, but with what happens after. When I feel blue, possible explanations race through my head. It's my behaviour, it's my personality, no, it's my weight. The latter in particular is difficult to rule out.

In recent years, I've been honest about my struggles to accept my “new” look. I think it's clear that I still don't feel completely comfortable in my body. I dare say this is my biggest insecurity right now. So it's no surprise that my thoughts immediately go there when I get rejected.

Oh, blue

A few months ago I texted a boy I had known for a while. We agreed to go for a drink, but due to circumstances it was canceled at the last minute. Rain checkwas his question. It had been about three weeks and we hadn't agreed on anything new when I met him in the wild.

We greeted each other and then went our separate ways. There was no other message, nothing Rain checkAppointment, nothing at all. What happened in the meantime? I have no idea. The only thing I could think about was that he saw me (read: my body) and changed his mind about us meeting.

I know, I know, this doesn't make sense. At this moment I am filling in what someone else is thinking. It's a bad habit that I really need to break, but the fact that I was rejected – is that really the case? not sure – It instantly shakes my self-confidence and quickly digs my biggest insecurities out of the hole I put them in. All the positivity, softness and self-love cannot be found in such a moment.

self love

I don't dare say whether my body was actually the reason I never heard from that man again. Maybe he realized at that moment that we weren't a match at all, maybe he wasn't thinking about meeting up or maybe nothing was wrong at all.

What I do know is that I can lie to myself so many times that I turn my insecurities into something beautiful. But when it comes down to it, I don't know where to get this energy from. It's a painful realization, but it will help me even more. I'm sure he knows.

PS: Maybe it was my personality that was a big turn off. Just kidding, I'm cool. And you, too. Don't let rejection drive you crazy, not from someone else and certainly not from yourself.

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